Category Archives: Behaviour

A good day!

It’s been a good day today.

Today we went Geocaching.

This was instead of joining in Sports Day at school…erm, well…we weren’t invited to join in, let’s say. However, it worked in our favour; there were no time pressures, and with trains every half an hour I could easily fill any waiting around. I got Oliver a hot chocolate, with cream and marshmallows (as requested) and as a bonus…me a coffee, without the usual moaning.

Before we left we realised we’d left the USB lead at Grandmas so we couldn’t download the GPS coordinates to Oliver’s GPS device. Nevertheless Oliver remained calm, and I agreed to download the App onto my mobile phone. He was in good spirits today, and wasn’t going to be thrown off course with little blips. I was pleased. We logged on with our user name. Bingo. We were IN, and ready to hunt for Geocaches.

Oliver smiled on the train, noted how we were going backwards, and relaxed browsing Geocaches and gazing out the window. He was in good mood, it would be a good day I thought.

I mentioned I had £90 worth of clothes in my bag I needed to return. He seemed not to mind that I’d need to actually go into a shop, and wander round (which he hates), and just concentrated on the money – £90. He was reminding me to drop the clothes off first to get the money back. Oliver loves money, particularly keeping it and saving it up. Phew…even that didn’t unhinge him.

After returning our items we charged headlong in to finding our first cache. But hang on…I had to hand over my phone with the Geocaching app open. It was a good thing really, so I wasn’t checking my phone, but unnerving when your 11 year old is waving it around, turning in circles. I tried not to be too tense about it.

So we found our first cache, brilliant! We logged it, then Oliver was telling me how we couldn’t find out other descriptions about finding caches because we weren’t a Premium member. SO, I casually said ‘ok, let’s see how much is it to be a Premium member?’ It was £7.99 for 3 months or £24.99/yr. Alright, I agreed, ‘let’s do the three months and see how much we use it’. Oh My Goodness, Oliver thought all his Christmases had come at once. He was thrilled, and up popped loads more geocaches to find. ‘Only Premium members are allowed to find these ones Mummy’, he whispered excitedly. We were Premium members now, and we could find our first Multicache. So we had to find 7 clues, and then do some maths, and then work out the coordinates. I wasn’t really paying that much attention, but Oliver was enraptured. I let him lead me. It was quite amusing, because once you become a Geocacher, you suddenly see other Geocachers on the same trail. But you don’t want to follow them, or let them notice you, otherwise you’d spoil the hunt. It was really good fun actually, and free. Well, except for the Premium membership…

Oliver absolutely loved his day out Geocaching, and it was made better because it was just the two of us. Geocaching is a great sport for any kid, or adult, but especially great to see him outside, in the open air…and happy.

We kept to our time scale to catch the 14:15 train home, and had bagged our first multi cache. It was a good day,

It’s important to capture these moments, because I have learnt that Oliver can swing from one mood to the other, opposite mood, very quickly. A good day today means a bad day tomorrow. But that didn’t matter, tomorrow isn’t here yet.




Head target

Yesterday I was hit in the head. I’ve been hit in the head and face before, but with less force and more by accident.

Yesterday I was hit in the head, with force and again and again. He went for me. He chased me out of my parents house and up the road screaming and lashing out for my head. Telling me I was lying about knowing where the computer was (I had lied).

Unsurprisingly I didn’t sleep last night. This all happened in front of his younger siblings. We were just embarking on a walk and he lunged at me, and ran after us up the road with no shoes on. The kids ran ahead up the road. I welled up cradled my head and did not know what to do. He ran back to the house and I just stood still saying out loud ‘I don’t know what to do’. I knew if I followed I’d be the target again. I knew if I didn’t he might turn on my parents. I phoned home and to my relief my Mum seemed to be still ok about my being out, and aside from a bit of whinging in the background, he seemed to have expelled his energy on me thankfully.

What really upset me was how much it hurt. It really hurt and it was delivered with venom and deliberately aimed at my head. He lashed up high again and again. It still hurt in the morning, and still hurts now.

My thoughts turned to fear last night. I am fearful of his behaviour. I feel threatened and I’m scared for me and the kids. I was making escape plans in my head; we need to get a lock on Anna’s door, we need to get a lock on my door, we need a safe place to retreat to, we need a secret code.  I’d tell the kids to go to their room to ‘do some drawing’, or something like that. Who would I phone. Who?

I ran though my friends in my head, and it was hard to feel I could phone any of them in this situation. There was a friend I might have phoned but she’d completely missed my crisis point last year, preferring instead to get offended by my forgetfulness. I explained, but no understanding or sympathy lied there. In hind sight I wish I hadn’t explained, just said move along.

Then there’s my lovely friend and neighbour but she has a new baby, another good friend of mine her husband works abroad, another two good friends are always busy. It goes on…but Who? IN a crisis WHO would I call.

To be honest, it’s not who can I trust. It’s someone who won’t be shocked, won’t judge, won’t get harmed themselves, remains calm, can negotiate, decisive, and knows a bit about Oliver or these situations. I narrow it down to one person, our local dog trainer…she’s brilliant and I know she won’t be shocked, or at least not show it. However she’s rarely in. I make a mental note to ask her next time I see her about being my emergency number.

But when do I phone the police? Should I? What if he gets a weapon? I search the internet for ‘my PDA child assaults me’ and find Mums who have got rid of sharp knives etc. What would happen to the other kids? What if I’m hurt, injured, incapacitated? I read somewhere else ‘never have an argument at the top of the stairs’. Another note to self.

Bloody hell…look what a crazy old night of no sleep does! None of this will happen from one head punch. Surely.

Then today, he argues with me again. I flinch, move away, anticipating violence, think where are the kids (ie. get them out the way). He waves his hands in front of my face like a taunt, they roughly brush my face, and my stomach sinks. Why did we argue? Again he wanted to go on the computer, I refuse to let him because he hit me, ‘but that was yesterday’ he says. He’s moved on, and I’m still reeling from the shock of the head punch. Sadly, I’m certain there will be more.

One thing I resolve to do is record his behaviour. I will, I will. Or at least I’ll try my best.